Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Letters from Veldimar Township

I've decided at long last to post up a shorts story here.

-Evil Emperor Nick

Letters from Veldimar Township

Written By: E.E. Nick
Edited by: Amelius

Most esteemed High & Overlord Attez,

As per your request I went to Veldimar Town to investigate the possiblity of some brain altering parasite breaking out there. I was rather put out that I was not the first one there. A one Frey Von Skyler, and elvish whelp of some great self importance but little relevance is already in the town uninvited by your both high & overlordship.

I tried to explain to this elven interloper that I had already been assigned to deal with this problem and he had the audacity to suggest that the problem was beyond me. Well I informed him that you had personally assigned me to the task and that by questioning my compitency he was indeed questioning your judgement as you sent me here and that your high & overlordship does not make mistakes as such.

Of course then he tried to deny it suggesting that he meant no offense and only was here to help but I saw through his denials. I told him he was unwelcome and unapreciated and that he should go but of course since I was placing the town under quarantine until I finished my report that he couldn't and that he should confine himself out of the way!

At which point I dismissed him, seeing as your high and overlordship prizes efficency, since talking further would serve no purpose and tried to begin my investigation. I went to my room only to find he was in the one next to me. At this point it became obvious he was sent to spy on me and that his foolishness was just an act as no one could truely be so stupid. Still as your high and overlordship knows it is better not to tell your enemy how much you know but rather let them think that you don't know that they know. As such I spent the remainder of the night feeding him false information before finaly stopping to rest. With luck that will put him off the trail as I continue my investigation tomorrow.

-Grand Master Brix Skrowald
Dear Uncle Skyriel,

As I start my second day here in Veldimar I am more and more concerned about the possiblity of brain parasites. The town people seem very suspicious of outsiders. They have no magical lighting here at all They use animals rather then magic for the majority of their labor. All signs that the brain parasites are effecting their brains, otherwise I cannot see why they would not be using magic to take care of these mundane tasks.

Luckily I am not alone in this endeavor, a one Mr. Brick Morewall is by chance also investigating here in town. Morewall suspects the problem too and suggested I investigate the local latrine.
Personal Note: Mr. Morewall talks in his sleep 'causing me to get an early start today. If I meet him again I must ask him about the "fairy" he saw yesterday. He seems to think this individual is quite a malcontent despite a host of personal failings and maybe involved with the problem in this village.

Mr. Morewall's advice proved to be critical as I found evidence of parasite waste in my investigation. Sadly the local crap house is publically used and I cannot be certain who is carrying a parasite yet, though I am fairly sure they could use more bran in their diet. As I have no practical way to monitor what villagers consume in the privacy of their own house however I fear this clue will take me no further today.

I'll continue with my investigation here but now that we know there are brain parasites here I think it might be wise to send an expert to deal with them.


-Frey Von Skyler
Most respected/feared High and Overlord Attez,

I am still recovering from my beating yesterday. I know the this village is a backward place and has never known your glorious presence, had a representative from you before or in anyway really felt the effects of your rule but despite all that you would think these pesants would understand that your word is law.

When I ordered them all naked into the street so I could inspect them for brain parasites they refused and become violent when I attempted to enforce my command. It is bad enough that they reject your highest and most overlordships authority but you think they would at least welcome someone trying to save their lives! I humbly suggest that after we liberate this town from the brain parasite menace that we destory the villiage down to the last screaming newborn infant as an example to the surrounding villages.

I managed to escape from the mob with mostly minor injuries though I fear after riding on a rail I may never now reproduce. However I offer the tragic loss of my pontenial offspring and the barter they could have brought with the gnomes up to your high and overlordness and trust you will reward me for my losses in your service.

I suspect now I am no longer welcome in town and so have begun less overt activites. I know that is not the manner fitting for one of your Grand Masters but being here alone and with the villagers rejecting your authority, this isn't a normal situation.

I managed to lure some villagers into the forest with the promise of sweets and trinkets in exchange for examining their brains. I did manage to conduct a few examinations but I was alas interrupted by the Von Skyler fellow before I had completed more than 0.01% of the villiage population.

Von Skyler claimed to be concerned about my health and wellbeing after last night beating, but of course we both know that isn't the case. I managed to divert Von Skyler by offering to compare notes on our progress though I deliberately failed to give him any information in return. I found his veiled contempt at what he perceived to be my lack of progress due to the mob yesterday. Little did he know of my real efforts on your behalf your High and Overlordship.
When I at last managed to rid myself of Von Skyler I continued my investigation. As you no doubt know in your infinite wisdom, Brain Parasites prefer to avoid sunlight. I investigated and found that this villiage was infact originally founded to take advantage of silver deposites in the area. The are has been well mined but the passages still remain. Such a ripe environment will surely attract brain parasites if it hasn't already.

I've begun to map the mine and I am in the process of preparing traps for any traveling within the mine. While far less direct then I might have liked I feel this menthod should prove effective. After I've caught any brain parasites entering or already in the cave I can use them to track how far the infection has progressed and backtrack them to find whom else is infected. As an added bonus that traps have also secured several animals which I can use to sustain me.

With luck this whole unfortunate affair will be over soon.

-Grand Master Brix Skrowald
Dear Uncle Skyriel,

I fear that I am failing in my mission here. A few villagers have gone missing and at least one has turned up dead. Even poor Prix Skornwaled seems to have left, if I were wise I would probably do the same.

Observation: I fear for his saftey since the villages confiscated his horse. I felt this was not exactly justice but I also felt it would be very stupid and probably painful of me to voice this opinion out loud.

Thus far my investigation has not turned up one person infected with the brain parasites yet their presence is clearly felt. The beasts must have infected some sort of genius for them to evade me at every step.

Organizing the villages has not gone well. The village has become very hostile to me lately and I fear for my safety. They have all been put on edge since an unfortunate misunderstanding with Mr. S a few days ago. Several villagers feel I am causing undo trouble. Still the brain parasites could not have left the village so it is only a matter of time.

Personal Note: I've been ejected from my room in the village and forced to seek other lodings. I found a kind woman who has offered me a place to say for free. Thank goodness for the generosity of people.

I think it might be wise to send some additional help to this village. Things are getting a little out of hand.


-Frey Von Skyler
Oh Might High and Overlord Attez,

Things I am happpy to report are now welll in hand, sort of. From what I gather the brain parasites have begun to strike, which I admit is rather bad. The brain parasites seem to be avoiding the mine for now, which probably means they are to busy spreading in the villlage population again I know very bad. The good is that several of the villlagers have come over to my side and started working with me.

Now at least with some coooperation I can finallly make some real progresss. I've organized the villlages and we've changed tactics. We're turning the mine into a layer from which we can defend ourselves from the parasites and eventuallly eliminate them. As more and more villlagers seek the mine as a safe haven the brain parasites will be forced to come here to seek new victims. Since we are examing each new arrrival we can eliminate any that try and slip in and then destroy them alll at once should they try and attack en massse as an act of despiration.

I admit it is beneath me to work with this people however I consider my service to your High and Overlordship worth any price. Additionallly I am fallling sick since my beat, cold nights alone in a cave and living off only uncooked animals and rock moss so I am rather forced to rely on them. However I was to asssure you this is only temporary due to extra ordinary condition and should not be read as a sign of weaknesss. Indeed if you pardon my asssertion but it is sign of the highest level of resolve and resourcefulnesss.

This situation shalll be resolved very shortly I think.

-Grand Master Brix Skorwald
Dear Uncle Skyriel,

The situation becomes grim.

Personal Note: Also I hate camping. After the unfortunate incident where it became clear just what that woman wanted from me in exchange for staying with her I've been sleeping in the forest. If I survive this I am never again traveling without at least a mule and tent.

I fear this maybe my last letter. More and more villiagers have vanished and a few have even turned up dead. The brain parasites are clearly running out of control. I've already had to deal with several citizens infected with the parasites.

I fear they have established a layer near by and are using it to raid the villiage. Panic has gripped the citizens which is allowing the parasites free reign at night. We've banded together for mutual defense but I fear the situtation might be explosive.

Clarification: I mean that anger, fear and panic might break out. This is unrelated to the bean problems in the town yesterday.

If we make it through the night I am leading the remaining towns people away from here tomorrow morning. I don't know if you'll ever get this letter but it is my deep hope that it will make its way to you.

I expect the brain parasites to attack and try and stop us and so I'll be drawing my magic to its full power tonight. I cannot destory the hive by myself but if they do not attack en mass I may be able to defeat all their scouts. If I can then they may not realize we are gone until it is too late.

A least that is what the handbook says.

Regardless, please send help. It is critical that the hive not be allowed to mutate. Once it does it may expand. Please send help!


-Frey Von Skyler
Hi # Overlord Attezzzzzzzzzzz,

I ammmmm writttting to tellllll u Ive finished mi reeeeport on teh brrrrrian parrrrrrrasites. Pleaze se mmmmmy reporrrrrt below.

*blood stain*

Theeeeeir r nooooo soch thing as braaaaaaaain parrrisites. U should no b concerned.


-$nd Massssssster Brix Scorvlad
Dear Mr. Von Skyler,

Recently the postal commission has decided to increase the cost of sending express mail from two silver pieces to a full gold. As such while we will still send your letters however they have been downgraded to third class and will consiquently take longer to get there. If you would like to upgrade your spell mail account back up to first class any future letters you send will be once more sent first class via wormhole rathen then by trained pigeon. We hope this has not caused any inconvenience.

-The Postal Service
Dear Grand Master Brix Skorwald,

You'll have to forgive me if I don't remember you personally I am terrible with names but I'm mostly sure you're someone I in my service as most everyone is. I've read your reports with great interest and am very pleased with your work etc. etc. etc.

I'm glad to know the brain parasites are not a problem that is a great relief and to show you how much I apreciate it I've decided to take your suggestion and destory the villiage and all the surrounding area.

I'm sure one of my many vassals will see to your reward and see to your next assignment. In
future please address all your letter to them instead of me.

-Lord Attez


acadia said...

Heh. Sort of reminds me of that Futurama episode where Hermes comes back from the planet of the Brain Slugs.

Anonymous said...

Good evening

Can I link to this post please?

Anonymous said...

Good point, though sometimes it's hard to arrive to definite conclusions