Friday, June 29, 2007

What. The. Fuck.

Warning: This whole thing is basically just me ranting and complaining about Transformers stuff. Read at your own peril.

Now, my outspoken dislike of the designs for the Transformers movie is old news. Despite my recent resigning myself to the fact that Optimus has flames and that the Transformers themselves look like Bionicle characters on steroids...I maintain that the movie, no matter how good it might turn out to be, means the END of The Transformers as we all know and love them. Let's face it: movies made off of long-standing and popular franchises inexorably destroy the franchise they were made to promote. That franchise then becomes little more than a puppet for the the big-budget-ness of the movie overwhelms the not-so-big budget of an animated series.

Well, this morning, I saw the first strike. Yes, my dear readers, shots were fired at the Transformers and they took pretty heavy losses. Thanks to the movie, there is a new "Transformers: Animated" (Which, seeing as how Transformers is a cartoon...) on Cartoon Network in 2008. NORMALLY, this would cause me much Transformers: Armada, Energon, and RID were...well...awful. There were some cool parts, but, yeah...bad on a whole. A new page in the Transformers book needs to be written. Behold, my dear friends, the future of my beloved Transformers:

I think the big, green one might be Prowl.

Now, I would like to point out that I am a big fan of this style of animation. There are a great many franchises that look really freaking cool like this (Star Wars being one of them). I even thought for a second..."Ok. Let's not hit the panic button just yet. Maybe the stories will be cool enough to outweight the fact that Optimus looks like Jay-Leno-tron." The stories are, however, going to revolve around "...everyday problems. Leading to much more interaction between the Autobots and humans rather than their battle with the Decepticons, making the shore more kid-friendly than the original..." Holy sweet fuckwads in a milkshake, Batman...I'm pretty sure that reading about this new series made me throw up in my mouth a little. I know, why not just make the whole damn show Transformer CHIBIS?! They can live in a nursery with a green-and-white-striped stocking-wearing-nanny! Megatron can transform into a BOTTLE and squirt milk at Optimus when in robot mode! Wheeljack can have an obsessive crush on Arcee and Optimus can lead them on wacky, imagination-induced adventures around the house?!?! *insert indiscernable rage-induced babble here*

The scary thing is, that it's not that far from happening. *sigh*

On top of that, the Transformers game for Xbox360 is basically just Grand Theft Auto with a robot thrown in here and there. I just might strangle the guy at Gamestop for telling me it's the best game ever.

I think I'm going to spend my day off curled up in bed watching G1 Transformers and sucking on a bottle of whisky at this point. Actually, that sounds like a damn good day to me. TO THE LIQUOR CABINET!

Damn you, Michael Bay. Damn you to hell.


acadia said...


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